This may be the most controversial post I’ve ever written, but it needs to be said.

Unless you’ve hidden under a rock, you know that Osama bin Laden was killed by a team of U.S. Navy Seals less than a week ago.

Bin Laden certainly committed a myriad of evil, evil acts. How can a person be so filled with hate for people he’s never even met? Unfortunately, bin Laden is not the first person to be filled with this hate- history is filled with evil leaders who indiscriminately slaughtered others. From Attila the Hun to Vlad the Impaler to Ivan the Terrible, to Adolf Hitler or Joseph Stalin- all men who committed these unspeakable acts of hate.

Yet, as a committed Christian, I dare to believe that every single one of these at least *could* have received divine forgiveness for their actions.

Now let me clarify: I am saying they COULD have received forgiveness, not that they DID. Had they made the choice to repent of their sins and devote their lives to Christ, they could have been forgiven. Only God knows their hearts, but in all these cases, there is reason to suspect that they did not.

I am not saying that, by devoting their lives to Christ, they would have been absolved of the consequences of their actions. I’m reminded of a man here in my home state of Missouri who was executed a few years ago. He committed a terrible crime- torturing and killing a man who stopped to help him when his car broke down. In prison and on death row, spending many hours alone with just his memories of what he’d done, he started reading the Bible and gave his life to Christ. He became a changed man, repeatedly apologizing to the family of his victim. He even sought stay of execution based on his changed life. However, giving his life to Christ didn’t undo his earlier actions. He had to face the consequences of his crime- execution.

I can’t imagine what kind of punishment would be suffered by, for example, Adolf Hitler, if he had lived beyond the war. It would certainly not have been easy.

Yet this life is but a breath. We blink, and it’s over. Jesus is about eternity, and His forgiveness gives us the privilege of spending eternity in Heaven, in the presence of God. There is nothing on earth that He can’t or won’t forgive.

Of course, the flip side of this is hell. For those who do not accept Jesus, for those who reject forgiveness, there is eternity in hell. It’s often portrayed as fire and brimstone and Satan in a red leotard with horns and a pitchfork, but in reality it is so much worse. Reality is an eternity of being separated from and even rejected by God. It’s an eternity of knowing what you could have had, but realizing that you gave up your chance.

It grieves me to see so many people (mostly Americans) celebrating bin Laden’s death. He was an evil man, for sure, but he now has to stand before God and make account for his actions. He is receiving a judgement that is far worse than anything we could think up.

I understand why he was killed from a “macro”, national-security perspective. I understand why his capture or death was important to national (and global) security.

But must we celebrate someone spending an eternity in hell? It is not unlike the words of John Bradford: There but for the grace of God go I. We are all sinners, and while we may not be as “bad” as bin Laden, we are all deserving of an eternity in hell. It is only by the grace of God that we received the opportunity to spend our eternities in Heaven.

Merriam-Webster defines a friend as:

one attached to another by affection or esteem

but I don’t think a dictionary can really fully define a friend.

Thinking back over my life, over the many people I’ve know and the many I’ve called friends, it is so funny to see how the people have flowed in and out of my life. Like water. Friends have helped in times of trouble, and yes, on some occasions friends have hurt me in ways that only friends can.

But most of all, as I think back, I realize how the friends have come and gone at the right times. Some people have entered my life, as friends, when I most needed them. Those people have left me, and even though I may not have wanted to admit it at the time, their departure from my life was truly God’s way of giving me His best.

Just think… most of my biggest and best life changes have come after losing friends.

It was because I lost a friend that I decided to study education.

It was because I lost a friend that I moved overseas and served on the mission field.

It was because I lost a friend that I decided to run a 5k, which evolved into a 10k, which evolved into a half marathon, and I’m still thinking about running a full marathon next fall.

Friendship is so fluid. I’m so thankful that God has taken those friends away when He did, because what he gave me in return was so much better.

Last Sunday I had the opportunity to go to a Royals baseball game with my new friends. It was tons of fun!

First, one gal named Margy received four free tickets from a friend (who got them from work). She offered me one ticket, and when I hesitated, basically insisted that I take that ticket. Because of her, I didn’t have to pay for the ticket or the parking! Wow!!

More wow: these free tickets were RIGHT BEHIND THE DUGOUT!

Way cool!

This is Terri, the gal I sat by for the majority of the game. She was super nice and we had a great time chatting and getting to know each other.

I forgot to bring my camera so I had to rely on my cell phone camera. Definitely a major regret, because this would have been a fantastic time to have a camera! It was still fun, though. The Royals really fought hard!

These four free tickets were close to the dugout, but our group was larger than four (maybe a dozen or so?), so the rest of the group bought $20 tickets that were up on the top level, and we walked around and circulated between the two locations. Luckily, Kauffman Stadium doesn’t really have a bad seat! During roughly the third through the sixth inning, Terri and I went up to the “upper” seats and let two of our friends enjoy a few innings in the “lower” seats.

Up high, but still not too hard to see!

Towards the end of the game, I walked up right up behind the dugout to take photographs. I only got a couple of shots before an usher came up and harassed me about standing too close to the dugout.

The Royals lost, but that didn’t take away from the fun. I really enjoyed the game, the ball park, and spending time with these friends!!

I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately.

Going to this new church, meeting new people, visiting new groups… it seems like a big deal to me.

When I visited the young singles group at this church, I was very disappointed by the lack of hospitality. I received a couple of replies to emails I sent, but I have only received ONE text message that was not initiated by myself.

I have the distinct feeling that I’m not wanted in this group, and that hurts. They have all made it clear to me that during the week, they are sending text messages to each other, following each other on Facebook, and so forth. But not to me.

I am not sure if they are intending to send this negative message or if they are just lazy, but it doesn’t really matter. I’ve never had the opportunity to be involved in a healthy Christian group with people my own age, and I’m a bit sad that this one won’t work either.

Every now and then I will see someone at church, who I recognize from this singles group, who will say hello and even ask me for my email address and promise to email me that week. But they never do.

I went to another group, though, a larger group for adults in general, not just a particular age group or demographic. This group was so different, and it’s almost hard to believe that this is the same church. This group has gone overboard to make me feel welcome. I’ve been welcomed into a smaller group-with-a-group of young and (mostly) single adults. I’ve received emails. I’ve been friended on Facebook. I even had someone stop by my house unannounced! This group celebrated with me when I ran my half marathon. They search for me on Sunday mornings.

I never before realized just how important hospitality is within a church. I speak from experience, now. I know that I want to go where I’m wanted. I know there is a certain human element in that- that we should not desire approval from other people- but very few people can persist in a place where they are not wanted. I’m not one of them. That was why I left my previous church.

Every now and then, when I run into someone from the singles group, I feel a twinge of sadness. I do wish I could experience a healthy Christian group of my peers. But the key word in that is “healthy”. I’m not sure this particular group is a “healthy” group. Obviously it is working for at least a few people- that’s why the group exists. But it will never work for me.

I am thankful, then, that this other, “older” adults group has been a place for me. I am thankful that they welcome me and desire my company. Most of all, I’m thankful for them. I’m thankful that they call me a friend. It’s easy to forget the huge ways our day-to-day actions can change eternity.

Today I read about this: a filmmaker who claims to have discovered the same nails that were used to crucify Jesus. I can only sigh.

I wish people could see that it’s not about the nails! The nails are just like the Shroud of Turin or the Holy Grail. Are these the same artifacts that were used in relation with Jesus? Maybe. Maybe not. Ultimately it doesn’t matter, because the nails and the Shroud and the Grail will all pass away. They’re all just physical material things. One fire, earthquake, or some other natural disaster, and they could be destroyed and lost forever.

Jesus won’t go away.

When the nails are gone, and the Shroud is gone, and the Grail is gone, Jesus won’t go anywhere. The presence of those material objects has absolutely no impact on the presence (or absence) of Jesus.

Forget about the nails. Forget about the Shroud. Forget about the Grail. Forget about everything material that may or may not somehow be related to Jesus’ time on earth. It doesn’t matter.

All that matters is Jesus.

Things are good today.

A lot of struggles are working themselves out this week. Mountains are becoming molehills, so to speak. And I feel good.

I’m becoming more and more thankful for the new friends I’ve met recently, bowling and at the Mexican pot luck dinner. I’m not sure how to describe it. It’s nice to be welcomed and accepted for just who I am- no more, no less.

Yesterday went well. I went to church, to this new group, and… it went well. Not sure how else to put it.

A couple of the people in the group remembered that I was running a race last Saturday, and they asked about it. That was really nice. Then they invited me to a “bowling” night last night, which I accepted.

It was a little challenging to bowl, only a day after running a half marathon. My legs were just not into it. On my first game, I was only able to bowl 84, and on the second game it dropped to 66, just because my legs were not cooperating. I bowed out after that.

It was fun, though, to meet these people and talk to them and get to know them. They were all very kind and welcoming. Some of them were really into bowling, which was a bit surprising. I mean I’ve gone bowling several times in my life, but it has never been more than an occasional diversion. Bowling alleys are filled with smoke and people drinking beer. Bowling alley food is covered in grease and salt. Ugh.

Not that it was at all a bad experience. Like I said, I enjoyed meeting people and I appreciated how kind they were. It was actually kinda funny… I pushed myself through the evening, though like I said, my legs were not cooperating. By the end of the evening, my feet were just throbbing. I got through it, though, with a reasonable amount of energy. But when I got in the car, it was like someone had flipped a switch- I realized that I was just exhausted and starving!

I stopped at a Burger King on the way home to grab a bite to eat- I know it’s not the healthiest option, but when you’re that hungry, almost anything will do! The skies had opened up and there was a fierce thunderstorm raging outside. But it was a good night.

The past week has been quite peculiar.

I’m still struggling to figure out this church I’ve been visiting. Last week I went to a small group that turned out well (or at least better than the first group I tried). But I still just don’t feel like i’m totally in sync. I still feel like there’s something I haven’t figured out.

Last Saturday, my mother became ill (food poisoning), so she opted to stay home from church on Sunday. My dad is naturally shy and decided not to go to church without my mother by his side. So, I was on my own for church.

First I went to Sunday School- to the same group that has been pretty good to me. It went well. People from the small group I visited last week recognized me, and even sought me out. That’s a pretty big deal. It’s nice to feel wanted.

Going into the service, I realized that since I was on my own, it would be totally up to me to decide where to sit. (I know, how obvious!!) This was a reasonably large auditorium with plenty of seats. Most of the singles sit in the area reasonably close to and right in front of the stage. Though I’ve never felt like an accepted “member” of the singles group, I decided I would sit in their area to see if any of them recognized me and how they may react.

A few of them recognized me- girls from the small group I visited. They were nice enough, I suppose. Nothing overwhelming. Nothing to give me a reason to change my opinions, at least not yet.

After the service, another girl came over to me- also a girl from that small group. This particular young lady struck me as 1)the oldest member of the group, besides me, and the only one who *might* actually be older than me, and 2)the most mature member of the group, although that’s not saying much. Anyway this girl came over to me, to say hello, to ask if I’m okay, and most importantly, to ask why I haven’t been coming to the group.

Sidenote: Although I’ve been coming to their church consistently, I haven’t sat in the singles’ area. It strikes me that none of those singles even noticed my presence when I was not right next to them.

But anyway. Honestly I was expecting this girl’s question- “why haven’t you been coming to our group”- and I have to confess that I spent a good portion of the service rolling around my response in the back of my head. There’s the politically correct response and there’s the honest response, and the two are miles apart.

So I opted for somewhere in the middle: I hemmed and hawed a bit, and when she continued to question me, I told her the truth: that her group has terrible communication, that it was disorganized, that I felt pressure to participate in potentially life threatening activities (uneducated fasting), that I suspected their motives were pure but I felt terribly unwanted.

And it was good. Her response was good. It felt like she really heard me.

It was peculiar, though. Immediately after that conversation, I felt open. I felt like maybe, just maybe, I could trust these people. Like it might be okay to open up a bit. But as the day wore on, the edges of that crack in my soul crept to a close.

I am not sure what to think. I’m not sure who to trust.

It’s been a good day but physically challenging. I got out of bed early this morning for a yoga class, then followed that with 4 slow miles. The morning went well, but the afternoon was a bit harder. Normally on Tuesdays, because I get out of bed so early for this class, I take a nap in the afternoon. Today, though, the nap was repeatedly interrupted by a ringing telephone. I never was able to get a good sleep, so I’m still pretty tired.

It’s been a good day though. Honestly there are a lot of things I’d like to say but I’m just tired enough that I’m thinking I will head to bed early!

Last night I went to a dinner/pot luck activity at a nearby home affiliated with the new group I’ve been visiting at this church. I’m pleased to say, so far so good.

I won’t lie- when I first got there I was really wondering what I was doing there. There were around a dozen other people there. I was standing off to the side, and everyone else was talking with each other. They all knew each other, so they were all catching up on the past week or the latest goings-ons at the church, and I was just feeling out of place.

But as the evening went on, things loosened up and it just got better. I’m not talking about alcohol- no one had anything harder than a Diet Coke- but once the food was served and we were sitting down around a couple of tables, it just felt like I was less “out”. Maybe it was the physical proximity or the body language. Whatever it was, it was good.

There was also a girl who arrived who is a nurse at the same hospital and even in the same unit where I was after my car accident ten years ago. When we were talking, and that came out, that really helped. I told her about my experiences and my memories (what little there is), and she talked about her experiences. I guess it was a conversation starter for us. She did not work there at the same time I was there- I think she is about my age, so she would have also been in high school back then- but it was still neat to talk to her.

I’m not sure what my future holds, but I have a good feeling about this group.